sharing in the grace of life

  Sometimes, something you read nails it.  I just read the chapter on "speaking woman" from Stu Weber's book, "Tender Warrior".  At the end of the chapter he gives this exhortation.  It's a long, but most good things are.

  "Men, we need to make the effort, take the risk, and speak the language ('woman').  A woman needs honoring and cherishing and nourishing.  She needs to know she is the top priority in her man's life.  In the early years of our marriage, I tended to look at my wife as my "partner."  I sang bass, she sang soprano.  I was playing right guard, she was playing tackle.  She was my executive assistant.  She was my fellow worker.  She was my fellow soldier.  She was my wing man.  But a woman doesn't want to be a wing man.  She doesn't want to be a tackle.  She doesn't even want to be a junior "partner" in all your endeavors.
   She wants to be in your heart and soul.  She wants to hear it from you and see it in you.
   Do you remember when your first child was born?  Do you remember what that day felt like?  Do you remember those emotions of tenderness you felt towards this lady who had just borne you that little son or daughter?  I'll never forget it.  I was walking down the hallway in that hospital with my chest expanded about three shirt sizes, eyes alert for somebody to broadcast my story to.  What I wanted to broadcast was, "Hey world, this is my wife, this is my woman, this is my miracle worker.  Look what she has done!"
  Do you remember that feeling?  Well, bottle it.  Bottle that feeling of pride and cherishing and treasuring and nourishing and honoring.  And once you've bottled it, slap a liberal dose on both cheeks every morning.
  Some of you by the providence of God have not been able to have those children.  Your task is even more profound.  You find pride and put it on five times a day.  Do battle with hell itself for the sake of your woman and your marriage.  Polish the treasure where you live and forget the mythical one at the end of Hollywood's rainbow.  All you need is under your own roof if you'll only acknowledge it and cherish it.
  That's how to live with a woman.  That's how to speak her language.  Down through the long years it is an effort that will chase loneliness our of dark corners and paint joyful murals on the hallways of your life."

the candle problem and the church

Tonight I heard a program featuring Daniel Pink, who gave a TED talk about money and how and whether it motivates us. Hear the whole thing here. The illustration is how people solved the "candle problem"; those offered money incentive completed it in a longer time than those who were not. In a nutshell, he says that psychology studies over the last forty years consistently show when money is offered as incentive to jobs which require more right-brained, creative thinking (which are the majority in the States with much physical labor's being automated or outsourced), it does not increase productivity but rather slows it down and blocks creativity.

He wonders why businesses are not catching on to this science, with bosses giving more of a "I'm here to facilitate your doing your best at what only you can do and I'll provide your income while you're at it" kind of mentality to employees, freeing them to engage their creativity without the pressure of constant performance.

That would be a pretty radical kind of employer, wouldn't it? His authority would look more like making a nurturing, stimulating environment in which employees could thrive than dangling carrots or prodding with sticks (offering bonuses or threatening pay cuts). He would have to trust that his employees have something valuable to contribute even if they're not constantly giving output...and not balk at still paying up in the slow times.

It's making me think of church leadership. So often, authority is taken as the right to tell people what to do and to control what they get. But that is putting an external pressure or motivator on us. Usually ends up frustrating the people under it (wishing they could be free) and the ones on top (wishing the masses had better attitudes or self-motivation).

I think of how God arranged for our salvation--that it was not from the external motivator of the rules of the law, but in His glorious plan, ended up coming as a free gift. The free gift also promised this incredible inheritance, coming to us by no effort of our own, like having our salary guaranteed for life.

Now that we're in the fulltime (lifetime!) employment of the Lord Jesus, where is the motivation for our work? How in the world do us concerned leaders get regular everyday people to be motivated to serve God, serve each other, be passionate about reaching the lost and all the other things we are passionate about? If Christian leaders revert to the old way of "if you do this, then you'll get this" or essentially, "please try harder and faster!", I think science, let alone theology, will prove them ineffective.

So that's bad authority. What's the alternative? I heard our pastor define authority as the responsibility to make for that situation wherein others will thrive (or something close to that). That's not the same as controlling what people do. It's more like overseeing (oh funny, isn't "overseer" the real word we translate "elder"?). There's that trust factor again. You have to be able to trust that they have something valuable in themselves that can be tapped into given the right environment. In a believer's case, that something is the Holy Spirit, who give gifts uniquely to every believer.

My personal challenge remains, then, to trust the Holy Spirit to work in others the things I want desperately to see flourishing in them and to work REALLY HARD at making an environment in which they can thrive and practice their gifts, undergirded with the unconditional support of them as people even if I'm not seeing the results at present. This is such a huge unknown for me as I consider making disciples of all the nations. How I want to empower and raise up everyday people to their full potential in the Body--but not by pushing more information and more of MY passion down their throats! Even science is telling us that the way to get others up is to get under them. May the Lord give us the creativity and patience to make for the growth of others.